How much time do couples need to meet each other, fall in love, and create a family? Cases differ as much as people’s attitudes on marriage and relationships in different countries around the world. With a growing number of international marriages registered between American men and girls from Slavic countries and Europe, we have decided to investigate the topic in more detail.
How do people meet each other in the USA, date, and start families? Statistics is the best answer to these questions. Let’s check the official social insights and see how much time it commonly takes for two people to meet one another and get married.
How Couples Meet
The way people meet each other has changed over the last decades. Today’s daters are no longer satisfied with the potential partners they can meet in their hometowns, at work, in cafes, universities, etc. People start looking for their perfect match overseas. They use online dating websites and other platforms where they can filter “candidates” according to different criteria, thus choosing a person who can perfectly meet the searchers’ expectations.
According to surveys that were conducted by Stanford University, the number of heterosexuals who met each other over the Internet increased from 2% to 39% between 1995 and 2017. Online dating applications like Tinder and social networking platforms like Facebook let people worldwide make new acquaintances and find old friends. The same statistics show that about 8% of couples meet each other online, 11% were introduced to someone special on the web, and 81% met someone utterly new on their own.
The authors of the Stanford University’s survey concluded that the primary draw of looking for someone online was a wide choice of candidates with whom users could potentially start dating and meet in real life. The same survey showed a growing tendency of meeting someone special in bars and restaurants in 1995-2017.
The Stanford University’s research didn’t consider homosexuals in their survey because they constitute a minority sexual orientation. It’s more likely that homosexuals will start looking for their love match online than heterosexuals.
Take a look at the following chart that reveals stats on how US couples meet and stay together.
Average Age of Marriage in the US
Many factors influence the story of choosing the best age and time for getting married. It includes the emotional element along with the financial considerations. When you start dating and living together with your special someone, you should mind such financial questions as planning your household budget, merging your finances, saving cash for the short and long term, buying a house, paying down debts, etc.
Another factor is age. While some couples assume that early marriages make sense, others prefer waiting until later. To the biggest degree, the decision depends on the personal choice of every couple. However, it also depends on your financial goals and the overall money situation.
To make things more straightforward, let’s look at the following chart. It shows the median age of US marriages between 1890 and 2018.
As you can see, the average age of marriage is getting older. Many Americans wait longer to get married. Many assume they feel more financially independent at the age of 27-30. That’s when they can afford to buy their own home and to plan the birth of kids. The stats show that the average age at which women tend to get married today is about 28 years old. While 30 is the average age of men.
Compared to the last century, women got married at the age of 21-22 years old. At the same time men of 24-25 were ready to make families. Historically, men get married when they are older than women. In the modern age, the gap between them is closing, with women being about two years younger than men when they get married for the first time.
Getting married has many positive financial effects. When you are alone, you need to plan the budgets and pay for bills on your own. When you go from the income of two, it makes so much easier to advance your saving goals. Having a partner, you grow the chances of saving and investing more cash. Besides, when you have someone else to work with you on your monthly budget, you can create a certain accountability level that motivates you to keep spending within your budget.
When you have two incomes, buying a home or a new car gets easier and a short-term perspective. Married couples can also pay fewer taxes when they fill a joint return, depending on their incomes and credits for which they are eligible.
On the other hand, managing financial questions in a marriage can lead to specific difficulties. If you and your second half have different opinions about family budget planning and managing your money, it might be wiser to independently manage your finances.
How to Decide When to Get Married
When you decide on picking the best time for getting married, you need to consider the individual and financial situation of both of you put together. Then, when you discuss, examine and plan your financial questions, it can be easier for you two to decide if it’s better to get married when you are young or wait until you grow a bit older and become more financially stable.
When you decide on how old you should be to get married, ask yourself the following questions:
- How much debt do both of you have individually and jointly?
- How much will the situation with those debts change after marriage?
- Will your marriage yield any savings where our insurance is concerned?
- How much do we have in savings with your second half?
- What matters most to each of us where saving is concerned?
- Do we share common savings goals?
- How do our incomes compare?
- If one or both of us have debt, would either feel more comfortable waiting until that debt is repaid to get married?
Anyway, the decision on the best time for getting married is ultimately personal. If you are madly in love with your soul mate and cannot wait for long until the time when you get married, the age doesn’t matter. Plan wisely, and find your common financial ground. If you need any assistance, you can ask a financial advisor for help. He will provide you with a third-party perspective on your family budget and help you decide on your money goals.
Story of an Average American Couple
Let’s consider an example of an average American couple that meets each other, starts a relationship, and gets married. It should provide you with deeper insights into how much time can pass since the beginning of your romance until you get married in the US.
His name is John and he is 25. He is rather tall (180 cm), weighing about 198 lbs (90 kg). John has brown eyes and black short cut hair. He is not a lazybones. From time to time, he starts a new day jogging. Still, there are a few extra kilos that he wishes to get rid of.
Her name is Anna, and she is 23. She is not as tall as John, just 163 cm high. She is not a supermodel, weighing 169 lbs (77 kg). Anna goes to the gym, but not very often, and sometimes her shape bothers her.
How They First Met
John was looking forward to finding his love match in 2021. He was passionate about this idea but not very active in taking the first step. Once, he was scrolling through the list of users whom Facebook showed in the Recommendations tab. This is where he first saw Anna. They had a couple of common friends. He looked through her profile and liked her, but didn’t want to look to appear very obsessive. So, all he did is “liking” a couple of her photos and dropping several comments below the pictures’ profile.
One of the photos that he commented on was with Anna sitting at a table in one of their local restaurants. His comment was something like, “Hey, I like this place, too!” To John’s big surprise, Anna wrote an answer to his words and sent him a friend request. This is how the whole story began. They started texting each other on Facebook Messenger. One day, they agreed to meet for a cup of coffee for their first date.
First Date
As agreed, John and Anna met for a cup of coffee at the end of the week. It was a perfect place for a date because it was a commonplace that both of them visited from time to time. The atmosphere and the coffee house were typical for the two, so they could relax and enjoy the company. They spent some time talking and they found out there are many things they have in common.
After the coffee house, they decided to go for a walk in the park and agreed to meet each other once again in a week.
Second Date
In most cases, the initiative of the second date should be on men. The question is, how long should one wait between the first and second date? The answer is neither too long nor the next day. If you don’t want the feeling to cool down, it’s better to invite your lady for the second day no longer than in a week.
So, Anna liked John on their first date, so did John. She was waiting for his call and was happy to receive a text message on Facebook the next day after their coffee house date. He invited her to watch a movie together at the cinema. Anna agreed.
A cinema is one of the most romantic places that couples may think of. When watching a movie, Anna and John were more obsessed with how they should react if they hold each other’s hands and kiss rather than the film they were watching.
When the movie ended, John brought Anna home and yes… they had their first kiss.
Next Dates & Marriage
After the kiss on their send date, Anna and John were sure they were a perfect match and had a strong and happy relationship.
For their third date, John wanted to impress Anna as much as he could and he came up with an idea to prepare dinner at her place. He brought some wine and cooked delicious pasta. They talked a lot and listened to music. After dinner, John didn’t leave Anna’s home and stayed for the night.
The third date made their relationship really strong. They had more dates quite often after that. They went everywhere together and had a lot of things in common. The couple watched baseball, went out of town together, visit friends and relatives, etc.
In some four months, they decided to start living together. Anna and John got married in a year and a half after their first date.
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Married?
As a rule, people start thinking about marriage in about a year after starting dating each other. There is a two-year rule that most of us keep in mind. After dating each other for twenty-four months, you should already know your partner well enough to decide if you want to make a family with him or her.
Many couples decide to marry with fewer than two years of dating. They feel more passionate about spending time with each other. Well, it’s always personal. While one year is enough for one couple to get to know each other well enough, another couple might need about two years to move to the next step in their relationship.
The main purpose of dating is to get to know one another as fully as possible before you marry each other. In the end of the day, passionate dating ends up with a happy marriage that lasts for many years to come.
According to the research conducted by a Penn State University, as part of which Professor Ted L. Huston followed 168 newlywed couples, those couples that dated an average of twenty-five months before marriage were the most happily married ones. As per those married couples quicker than twenty-five months, their marriages survived to the seven-year mark and ended up with a divorce.
Another study showed that those couples that dated three years and more were 39% less likely to get divorced than those who dated less than one year before getting married. Couples that dated for two years were 20% less likely to end up with a divorce.
To conclude, those couples that date each other for a longer time are more likely to end up being the most satisfied with their marriages for many years to come.
Recommendation from the Experts
Even though we keep an eye on the stats revealed by the studies we discussed above, there are always exceptions to the rules. It’s common for us to hear about unicorn couples who fell in love with each other and have sustained a happy marriage ever since that. How do experts comment on the “deal age”?
The majority of experts speak about one year at the perfect and healthy amount of time that couples can spend dating each other before dating. According to Stephen J. Betchen, DSW, author of Magnetic Partners, there should be a minimum of one year provided that each partner has a clear understanding of what they are looking for in their mate. During that time, they can explore things like: “what they can tolerate; if there is a sufficient physical attraction; and if future goals seem aligned.”
According to John Amodeo, MFT, the author of Dancing with Fire: A Mindful Way to Loving Relationships, “There are no hard and fast rules, but I must admit that I feel nervous when I hear about people getting married within a year (or even two) of meeting. It might work out okay if they are exceptionally well-matched and mature. But it takes time to know a person and time to see each other’s darker side and know how each of their ‘shadow’ sides will interact with each other.”
What’s the Magic All About?
Is it all about numbers? The term of one to two years is generally considered to be the perfect time for couples to spend together before marriage. However, many experts acknowledge that marriage success has more to do with the readiness of two loving hearts to live the rest of their life together. To the biggest degree, the readiness depends on the dating past and the ability of a couple to learn from the experience you’ve gained during that time. Dr. Betchen explains that learning from the past dating mistakes can speed up the dating process and lead to a faster marriage.
According to his words, “Because people have very little insight about themselves, they keep choosing the same person time and again, with the same results. Suppose you know enough (about yourself) to choose differently. In that case, you can date for a week and it’ll work, because there are other variables to consider such as family or origin dynamics, values, etc., I recommend couples wait a minimum of one year to marry.”
Dr. John Amodeo suggests that each person’s readiness for marriage has a lot to do with the unique situation in every couple: “I don’t think there is a perfect amount of time, as each person and situation is a little different. And maturity levels vary.”
Madeleine A. Fugère, Ph.D., author of The Social Psychology of Attraction and Romantic Relationships, says that the “two year” rule is pretty sensible, but “different couples have very different circumstances. It is disposition alone. Seven years would be insufficient to make some people acquainted with each other, and seven days are more than enough for others.”
Bottom Line
When you are seriously thinking about getting married to a person you live and with whom you’d like to spend the rest of your life, you should decide whether you are ready for the step like marriage. Regardless of the amount of time you have spent dating each other, it’s essential to realize that you have similar goals and expect the same things from marriage. Do both of you want to have kids? What’s your envision of a happy life together? Giving answers to these questions will help you better understand your couple’s current state before deciding to register your relationship officially.
Despite all stats and research conducted by well-known researchers, there may be no perfect number on how many months people should spend together before marriage. While one year may be enough for one couple, others may need two years and even more to make the final decision. Still, you never know how happy you will live in marriage unless you try to live together. Only going through the major life occurrences and mundane activities lets you decide whether you should get married or both of you would be happier living alone or with another person.
The more time you spend together the more you’ll see each other on different life occasions. This can be a foundation of a long, happy marriage. Like in the example of Anna and John’s relationship, an average American couple meets online and starts dating in a short time after they text each other for the first time. The average age of Americans getting married in 2021 is 27-30 years old. While women tend to get married at the age of 25-27, men usually marry at 28 and older. Many emotional and financial factors influence a young couple’s decision-making. However, there is one thing all of them have in common – if you have similar expectations from your marriage and goals, the happier relationship you will have in the long run.
What’s your attitude to early marriages? Do you support the idea that there should be at least two years between the first date and marriage? Do you rely on statistics or have your own opinion about this case? Please drop a line in the comments below.
Make sure to also check the article: Hot find a girlfriend in 2021.
